the branches on my fig tree

a deep dive on the fig tree analogy from Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar" and what's on my tree.

Earlier this year I read “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath for the first time. Although the book was odd and very racist. I couldn’t help connect and relate to the main character maybe that is because this book follows Ester who is a college student and interning at a fashion magazine while living in New York, and that is exactly what I want to do. Work for a fashion magazine in New York. Or maybe it is the depression aspect of it all but everything Ester went through really moved me. From beginning to end she goes through so much heavy stuff with her mental health, but what the book is really famous for is the fig tree analogy.

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I knew about the fig tree analogy before reading the book but I never really understood it until I read her words. The fig tree analogy is about seeing everything you want in your life metaphorically on a tree and being not sure which fig to pick. I was seventeen and a senior in high school when I read this and Plath put all of my feelings about my future into words. This analogy is not just about feeling lost about which path to take but simultaneously feeling clarity and how handling both of these at the same time causes confusion. When there is so much you want to do but not enough hours in a day.

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor…”

― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

my copy of the bell jar

Back when I was reading this there was a trend on TikTok to post what is on your fig tree. I saw many different types of people posting my was on their tree so I decided to do mine and a couple of days ago I thought about talking about it here. As an eighteen year old my life is only beginning. As a freshman in college I am majoring in journalism. While I feel this is the right path for me currently you never what could happen. There are so many routes to take I feel like my options are endless.

my fig tree

“I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

in no specific order:

1. journalist

I feel like this one comes as to no ones surprise it also self explanatory with my major, this is most likely what I will end up doing. Specifically I want to work in fashion journalism, I hope to be a writer and focus on designs, designers, runway shows, and more. The type of publication I want to work for is magazine but I would be okay with anything. I have a bit of social anxiety so interviewing isn’t my favorite part but I have been working on it. After a few minutes of interviewing its not so bad and I really enjoy writing peoples stories.

2. fashion designer

As a little kid everytime someone would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up I would answer with this. I have always loved fashion. I got my first sewing machine when I was nine, I took classes when I was in middle school. I was so proud of my creations. For the longest time I was dead set on following this dream until my head was pulled out of the clouds and I realized this would never happen to me. I’m not super sad about it because it led me to my love of writing but sometimes I think about what could have been,

3. author

I believe this is something I would still like to try or do on the side along with whatever job I end up at. Becoming an author who is actually successful would be a dream. I already have many different ideas for starting a manuscript. I would like to start it now while I’m in college and work on it throughout the years. The only problems I have is that I am not sure which genre to pick and I don’t believe my writing in good enough.

4. lawyer

When applying to college I almost selected my major as prelaw before picking journalism. Becoming a lawyer was something that was always in the back of my mind, at first I wanted to be a family lawyer and work divorce cases and custody and then I switched to defense attorney. I decided not to take this route for many reasons. Longer schooling, expensive tuition, LOTS of reading, law school, the bar, cold calls and more. I didn’t think I would fit right here.

5. screenwriter

Recently I have really gotten into film and the production process. One path I considered was screenwriting. The way I would want to do it taking my favorite books and turn them into tv series and movies and do them the actual justice they deserve. Instead of the people that are doing them now and ruining our books.

6. persoanl stylist

It is no secret that I love fashion but I do not have the knowledge to be someone’s personal stylist especially and celebrity but it is a nice thought. To be and to try new styles and items on a person that is not you allows for more risk. Then to see them on a red carpet would feel accomplishing.

7. fbi agent

This is a bit of a wildcard compared to the others but I have always been intrigued by crime. My mother is a cop so that might have something to do with it, but I love the teamwork while figuring out the crime. While I love a good mystery, I would probably shit myself before I even started working on big cases. I love watching Criminal Minds but from the safety of my couch, put me in the real situation and I am not making it out alive. I just know this wouldn’t be a good fit for me.

8. poet

I am not sure what I was on when I put this fun. I enjoy reading poetry and sometimes I do write my own but I don’t ever see it as a big part of my life. I don’t think I am smart or intellectual enough to write poetry for a living and I would also see myself getting bored.

9. happiness

I meant this as a joke. Kind of. I just really want to be happy with whatever I end up doing or wherever I end up go. I think happiness is something that I have struggled to experience at a steady rate throughout all of my life and if I could wish for one thing for my future self it would be happiness. Genuine happiness.

“When they asked me what I wanted to be I said I didn’t know.
"Oh, sure you know," the photographer said.
"She wants," said Jay Cee wittily, "to be everything.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

some of my anotations

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All of these ideas are very career based, but my list goes on and on. Not just with jobs but also goals and aspirations. I want to study abroad in Italy and move to New York to live. I think the reason why the fig tree analogy is so famous is because it resonates with so many people. Everyone wants to be everything but with 24 hours in a day how can we? There is so much uncertainty and excitement that comes with the unknown. Am I making the right step? Is this the right journey for me? The fig tree analogy made me realize that I wasn’t alone with feeling as if gravity is pushing me and pulling me in multiple directions. I hope that if anyone is feeling this way they know that we are all in the same boat. We can’t all be everything but we can try.

With Love,

Saniah